Tear Us Down
by Zofie C. Field
Summary: I thought you knew. I thought we were both pretending.


**Tear Us Down**

Cosima sits at her desk, hunched over a microscope. When she coughs into a tissue and stuffs it into her pocket, it's as though she doesn't even notice anymore. Her breath is labored and her lab coat hangs loose on her frame, but she is intent on her work. Delphine, leaning in the doorway clears her throat to get Cosima's attention.

Cosima looks up and grins. "Hey! Are you heading home? I'm going to put in a few more hours here, but maybe tonight we can open that bottle of wine and put on some music?" She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

As she listens, Delphine's shoulders sag and her face grows still. "No, Cosima. Not tonight, nor any other night for that matter."

"What?" Cosima tilts her head, a confused smirk on her lips.

Delphine doesn't return the smile. "I think it's time we admit what this is really about, don't you?"

Cosima blinks, taken aback at the familiar line. Delphine plunges on, "Now that we've found the cure to the respiratory illness, we can stop pretending. We can put an end to this rouse, no?"

"Delphine," Cosima says warily, sliding of the stool and taking a step towards the taller woman. Delphine mirrors her, taking a step backwards and shaking her head. Cosima stops dead in her tracks. "What's going on?"

"Dr. Leekie told me to get close to you, to bring you into Dyad. This," she gestures at the space connecting them, "was the easiest way. I thought you knew that."

Cosima is shaking her head. She stumbles backwards. "No. No. There's no way you're doing this to me. Not again."

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew. I thought we were both pretending." She looks genuinely sorry, but it doesn't alter the words that have left her lips.

"I didn't. I wasn't." Cosima shivers hard but meets the taller woman's eyes. Delphine flinches but stays where she is.

After a long minute, Cosima takes her bag off the chair and leaves the room. As she passes, she is careful not to brush against Delphine who still stands by the doorway. Like strangers do.

Cosima's face is damp, but her eyes are clear as she leaves the building and begins to walk. Too weak to be furious, to tired to feel her heart break.

* * *

Sarah sits on a bench not far from Dyad, a phone held to her ear. She nods and murmurs into the phone as the caller speaks. When the speaker quiets, she responds vehemently, "She's bitch, Cos! Forget about her! She doesn't deserve you anyway. And neither does Dyad." There is another burst of noise from the phone. Sarah continues, "Accept the job offer in San Francisco, Cos. It's a great opportunity Move back home, see your family. Get away from here for a while. Okay. Okay. See you tonight." She hangs up and leans back against the bench with a sigh.

A moment later a woman sits down next to her. The two sit still for a few moments, watching traffic pass them by.

"Thank you," Sarah says, breaking the silence.

Delphine nods. Sarah looks over in time to see the woman's face crumble. As though her whole being is deflating, she breaks down into sobs.

Sarah puts a hand on her back, rubbing slow circles as you would on a child. "I know, I know. But there was no other way. The cure would be working by now, but she's too busy running herself ragged at Dyad to let herself heal. This research,_ our biology_, it's become an obsession to Cosima." At the name, Delphine takes in a panicked gulp of air and drops her head to her hands.

Sarah continues, "We needed to get her out of here, get her some rest away from all of this. She never would have taken that job in California if she still had things here," she hesitates, "and if she still had you."

At this Delphine falls apart, and Sarah holds her close. When the sobs begin to quiet, Sarah whispers in her ear, "Someday, when this is over, when we've brought this hell crashing to the ground, I'll tell her everything. I'll tell her it was all for love."

* * *

Three years pass before all is said and done. Three long years.

Delphine opens her door one night to find Cosima standing in her living room.

"Is it true," she asks, "Is it true what Sarah says?" She looks so angry, but when Delphine nods silently, Cosima's anger seems to melt into something closer to loneliness, scarred-down heartbreak.

"We had no choice. We didn't know what to do. You wouldn't listen. You were killing yourself here, wasting away while you worked night and day. I... I," Delphine struggles to find words to explain the lies that had torn them to pieces.

Cosima finishes for her, moving forward to weave her arms around the blonde's waist. She brushes her lips across Delphine's collarbone before resting her forehead there.

They stand like that for what could have been hours, oblivious to the daylight fading. Both are thinner, older, worn down, but as they wind themselves together, there is the faint sound of hearts remembering.


End file.
